As most of you may know, last week, I moved across the province, traveling over 2000km in three days to relocate my life in the small Northwestern city of Kenora. I find it fitting that I begin this new chapter of my life right now, because today, January 26th 2020, marks the one year anniversary of my breakdown/spiritual awakening!
I’ll always remember what Judy, one of the vision board attendees, said to me a year ago this day “It feels like you are on a big precipice. You know that feeling, when you are about to jump off a big ledge, and all your nerves are firing off – that’s how I feel about your life. Big things are coming your way”.
That feeling, of being on a precipice, knowing you are about to embark on a wild ride, and you are scared shitless but also excited – it is stronger than ever lately. Over the last month or so, I have watched my life transform in the most beautiful way. New relationships forming. Opportunities abound. So many friends and family have reached out with love and support. My creativity is flowing. And despite the intense uncertainty I feel about where all these changes will take me, I retain this sense of unwavering faith and groundedness, because I trust the universe and where it is taking me.
I am not too sure what took over me, that day in December, when I decided to message a fellow NP regarding an opportunity for work in Kenora. I had literally just decided, about a week earlier, that I would stop actively looking for NP work. I was happy working part time as a RN in hemodialysis, and I told myself I would just ride the wave and let life guide me.
So why was I messaging this girl? And why did I agree to have the manager and recruiter contact me for further information? And why did I agree to fly to Northwestern Ontario, on such short term notice, for a site visit and interview? And why did I accept the job offer?
I am not sure. I guess it just felt right. And it still just feels right.
I’ve decided to drop all expectations about where this will take me, and instead decided to just enjoy the ride.
I think this attitude is what has allowed me to make such massive life changes in such a short amount of time, with relatively low levels of anxiety and tears. (Don’t get me wrong, tears were shed. But surprinsingly not as much as I thought there may have been. I didn’t even cry when I said goodbye to my brother, my dad nor my mom).
I didn’t cry when I left my best friend/roommate’s place for the last time – deciding instead to take a moment to thank the universe for having brought this new friend in my life, and for all the funny and heartbreaking moments we shared together in the last 8 months or so. My heart is full.
As soon as I accepted the job offer, I had to figure out how to move my things 2000km across the province – because I had less than 4 weeks to figure it out. I looked at all my options – rent a UHaul, have my stuff shipped, tow my car, rent a UBox .. all options were ridiculisously expensive, especially when I contrasted the cost of moving my belongings vs the actual value of my belongings.
It was my mom that suggested I simply trim down my belongings enough to make everything fit in my little Honda Civic. And so it was decided, I would move to Kenora, with the help of my mom, bringing only what I could fit in my car.
It was such an interesting exercise, to go through all my things, à la Marie Kondo, asking myself whether each item either brought me joy or served a true purpose. For the most part, it was actually liberating. The sense of accomplishment and freedom I felt, knowing I could pack all my things in just my car, was wonderful.
It relieved so much anxiety to have fewer things – less things to lug around, less things to organize, less worrying about what to wear, and less time spent unpacking once I arrived at my destination.
Getting rid of things was fairly easy – I’ve done a bit of purging with every move over the last decade (I’ve moved an obscene amount of times in ten years). Yet I somehow always found myself buying more things, to fill a void, I presume.
So the real challenge for me now is to be very mindful and intentional about purchasing things from this point forward. I no longer want to be a part of the consumerist culture. I refuse to spend 40+ hours at work, to make money, to fill a house with material things, to then stress about having to organize and clean and move all these things.
I want my life to be filled with experiences instead. Filled with love, friends and family. Filled with adventure, and freedom.
And so, with less things in my closet, and less things on my mind, I begin this new chapter of my life, here in Kenora.
The Stories in my Head 