Slow down skipper

I was talking on the phone with my mom tonight as I worked on this crazy 2000 piece puzzle. It’s funny how inspiration for these blogs comes so randomly. I often have to either write stuff down right away, or I will also record myself talking, so I can collect these inspirational and creative ideas as they come.

I was telling her about my new job and had a bit of a realization. I think it’s the first time in my nursing career where I am really encouraged to slow the f*** down, and take my time to learn things properly and thoroughly. Taking my time is not something I am good at. Anyone that knows me well enough knows this about me.

I walk fast, I talk fast, I think fast, I learn fast, I react fast and I cry fast. I am impatient. And I like things done yesterday.

remember once I was at working in the ICU, walking around to get something, and someone asked me if I was okay because I looked like I was rushing. Nop, I replied, just the way I walk πŸ˜…. Another older memory is one when I played volleyball in grade seven, and our coach had said that I sorta looked like a chicken running around with its head cut-off. Damn. I guess I’ve been this way for a while.

Rambling aside, my point here is that I have been running at high speed for a number of years now and it’s funny I don’t even know how to slow down! Or when I do, I am parked and I ain’t moving. I have no gears, no in between speed. All I know is full speed or off.

So it’s something very new to me, taking my time to learn.

Something else my mom and I talked about, was how important it is to keep learning and growing. Even if I am not working in my nurse practitioner role at this job, doesn’t mean that learning a new skill and area of specialization isn’t going to be both enriching and challenging as well. And learning feels good. Especially when you are in an environment that is fully supportive and even encouraging (/forcing) me to slow down.

I am feeling so grateful right now, for this opportunity. I think that beyond learning the skillset and special nursing care required in hemodialysis, something else I will take with me from this experience is taking my time.

I think it’s not wonder that I have been finding myself, time and time again, burnt out and overwhelmed. Especially when I am used to rushing to learn and rushing to work. You can’t build something solid on a weak foundation. And learning is like that – you gotta master the basics before you move on to the more complex stuff.

I am learning to take my time at work, and with learning and education. But I am also learning to take my time in general. I think I have a tendency to get really excited about things and I want to rush ahead. But clearly that hasn’t been working out well, in a lot of aspects of my life.

So to all of you out there who can relate, and to myself, let’s take a deep breathe, take a chill pill, and slow the fuck down 😌.

There is more to life than increasing its speed.” – Mohandas Gandhi

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