Guys!!!!!! I’m going back to work! After nearly four months of FUNemployment, I am returning to the work force.
And I am so ready.
Yet I am a little nervous about writing and sharing this post, because I feel like I am coming up short in the sexiness and grandiosity of my return to work.
You see, when I attended the vision board workshop in January, and subsequently flooded my mind with podcasts and books and posts from self-proclaimed Masterminds and influencers such as Tony Robbins, Rachel Holis, Mel Robbins and others, I was CONVINCED that my life was about to get flipped upside down and turn into this amazing adventure, filled with surprises and successes and riches.
And well my life definitely has changed. There have definitely been surprises – some bad, some good. The successes are not as obvious or blog-worthy as I envisioned. And the riches have come not in money, but in depth of life and in the little moments.
So no, my “new” life isn’t as sexy as I thought it was gonna be. And as my life unfolded, and didn’t quite measure up to my (slightly unrealistic) expectations, I had started to feel very disappointed, as if I somehow had failed, yet again. The Buddha had it right though, wise little bugger: “The root cause of all suffering is attachment”.
Attachment to our stories and our identities. And the way things should be. The way things are supposed to be. The way we planned it all.
So I am trying really hard to let go of my attachment to the outcomes and the sexiness of my life, to make more room for me to appreciate the way things are. And to also make room for joy in the unexpected ways things may turn out.
So where did I get a job!? (Sorry to be so tangential about it, but I knew I had to get some wisdom into ya’ll while I still had your attention).
I took a job as a registered nurse in dialysis at an outpatient clinic.
For most of you, that probably sounds quite alright (or may mean nothing to you at all). But the important facts are this:
– I will be working in the role of a registered nurse, which means I won’t be making use of my training as a nurse practitioner. This is tough. Because I feel as though I should work as a nurse practitioner. I just spend 24 months and many-a-dollars and endless anxious moments to get that freaking extended license. But the truth is I just don’t want to right now.
– I will only be working part time, because I have decided that I want to actually learn to have a life-work balance. And in order to do that, I need to ease back into work. Also, working part time will give me the flexibility to possibly explore things outside of nursing.
– I will be working in a setting that, relatively speaking (to my previous working experiences as a nurse), is practically stress-free and slow-paced. An easy job?! Yes please.
My ego (that little voice in my head) is having a little hissy fit right now, because it would love for me to continue to burn myself out by working too much, in a job that is too stressful for me, just so that it could be soothed by the fact that I am doing what I should.
Sorry ego, but my heart wins this time.
Now, I am having to make some serious changes in order to accommodate this choice. Mainly, I have to re-assess my expenses because I won’t be able to maintain my previous lifestyle entirely.
But if less shopping, less going out to eat, trading my new car for an older one, not getting my nails done, and budgeting, means that I get to relax more, play more, stress less, and live more wholeheartedly?
Then count me in.